Dec 21
The Violent History of the Bassoon
By ELMO
copyright 2005 Ellistrations
Most people know nothing about the brave and distinguished history of the Bassoon and the role it has played in the Marital Arts.
During the feudal Heiji War in Japan(c. 900 AD) it was not uncommon to see Samurai Warriors carrying Bassoons.
Later, China would pick up the mantle with the little known “Bassoo
n
Revolt” in which bassoons were fitted with a sharp, spear like
projection.
Many cultures throughout Asia, to include the continent of Africa, have
used the bassoon in the past to use as a blow gun. Certain parts of the bassoon were blown through, launching a deadly, poison dart which could instantly cripple any prey or enemy.
The tradition of launching projectiles from bassoons was not used in modern times until World war II when the United States 6th Infantry was deployed
in what would become known as the “Battle of Beer Tent Hill”.
So, bassoonists be proud of your heritage because it was forged by blood and double reeds!
Dec 21
Bassoonist…. Reinvent Yourself !
by
Ellistrations Music Apparel and Gifts
Go ahead, take inventory. You’ve been laughed at. Ridiculed. Youv’e been called “bed post holder”, “double reed geek” and the worst insult of all…”sewage pipe sucker”. It’s not your parent’s fault and it certainly isn’t the bassoon’s fault. You really can’t blame anyone but yourself. Look at your appearance, you look like a reject from “Leave it to Beaver”.
Yeah, sure, you know all of the answers to Jeopardy and you probably have a clean driving record, but that does not cut it in today’s world. You have talent, there’s no doubt about that. But talent isn’t required anymore, because it’s all about image. (If you don’t believe me, watch a few reality shows on TV and you’ll see what I’m saying is true.)
We know what you need. You need an image change and a check up from the neck up. To make it simple, you need a personality enema. Take a good long look at the image below. Isn’t this the way it is? (Unless you’re a female bassoonist, then just add a purse.) All nice and polite. A real dream boat. At this rate you’ll probably wind up as an Accountant or a Human Resource Specialist, a fate worse than death.
Now, scroll down the page to see the new direction that your life is going to take. Don’t be afraid, you can always resume your Clark Kent lifestyle when you go home to Mommy every night.
From the mild mannered you, to…….
The New You !
You are no longer unsure of yourself. You swagger down the the street of life with a renewed confidence that says, “Yeah, I’m a double reed player, a BASSOONIST in fact. Wanna rumble, huh? I’ve got a nice, sharp reed shaving knife in my back pocket and I’m not afraid to use it either, punk!”
You have all kinds of new biker buddies to hang out with. The opposite sex that is now attracted to you, is no longer the variety that takes a dump in your front yard. No longer do you hear snotty little nicknames like, “bazooka blower”. Now, your neighbors refer to you with cool monikers like “Buzz” or “Reed Double X”
As if you haven’t noticed, your clothes have changed too. Now, you are wearing the hippest new apparel. Click here to see what I mean. Not only have your clothes changed, now you are listening to different kinds of bassoon music. Music that you probably never knew existed. What kind of music am I refering to? Well, click here you radical!
Now, you are ready to take on the world, or at least the rehearsal hall and never forget that you heard it at Ellistrations Music Apparel first!
Aug 27
Like the commercial says “Life comes at ya fast!” and it is true. You know, I heard a guy state on the radio that time seems to be speeding up. I never actually considered the metaphysics of all that, primarily because I’m not smart enough to understand most things deeper than a comic book. Anyway, I do know that you are given only so much time on this earth, so why not make the most of it. Here are just a couple of ideas on how to find more practice time.
1. Practice your instrument while watching TV. I know a couple of very fine professionals that practice and watch sports events at the same time. If you are watching an intense program, practice fundamentals while the commercials are running. It will give your chops a break and the commercials usually run longer than the actual show anyway.
2. Get a practice mut if you need to practice at a late hour. That way if you can’t sleep you can always exhaust yourself playing late. I have a device called the silent brass mute and I would highly recommend it. It allows you to put ear phones on the mute via a chord. You can hear yourself play as if you were in a concert hall. I have had one for years, and it really allows you to get practice time in even when people in your house are sleeping.
3. If you drive alot you can always practice breathing or embouchure techniques. Brass players can buzz on their mouthpieces. I once saw a flute player practicing while driving fast on the interstate. I would not reccomend this but he did get alot of attention from other drivers.
4.If you are a teacher, you can always play along with your students. You won’t have a challenging session, but you’ll at least get in some horn time.
5. Get a book on time management. There are all kinds of excellent books on this subject. Time is your most precious commodity, don’t waste it!
Aug 23
The Mental Key of Music
Ellistrations Music Apparel and Gifts
In the last lesson from The Mental Key of Music, we discussed the fact that without a goal you are like a ship without any direction. The captain of the vessel (you) is a very frustrated individual without any clear objective or target. You were given a specific assignment of listing and establishing your main goal or purpose.
In this issue, our priority is to focus on the steps required to attain that goal
Notice: If you missed the last issue, please access it by going to www.ellistratioins.com and clicking on the archives page.
Ok, now you have taken the required first step and decided what it is that you want to get out of your musical life. The next step is to break down that goal into smaller attainable steps or “mini goals” An ancient Chinese proverb states, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” These mini goals, or steps, must be measurable, based on a timetable and they need to be realistic. There is no point in setting a goal of memorizing all the major and minor scales within one week, because it is too unrealistic.
Mini goals or steps must be measurable, based on a timetable and need to be realistic…
When I was in Jr. High School, (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I took private lessons on my instrument. My lesson teacher required that I purchase a copy of the Beginning Rubank Method Book. At the front of the Rubank book, there was a weekly schedule showing how many of the lines I was to learn and practice for the week. As I completed each lesson, there was a series of boxes on the schedule that an “X” was placed in as I completed each lesson. The plan took you all of the way through the entire book.
It was very effective! Many of the lessons were easier and able to be completed much quicker than the timetable established. Sometimes, the lessons had to be repeated because they required more skill to learn. The bottom line of this experience was that the Rubank book had a VISUAL set of mini steps or goals that you could actually look at and see your progress. It actually got to be a very exciting motivator, because you could actually see your progress through each lesson.
In this case, the overall goal was to complete the entire Rubank Method Book. The mini steps the lessons and lines I had to learn on a weekly basis. So here is a breakdown of the Goal Formula:
1. Determine your goal. (Discussed in the last issue)
2. Design a series of mini steps that will take you through one of your goals.
3. If you can, make a visual checklist that will chart your progress. Put this chart up where you can see it daily and keep track of your progress. Definitely look at it before each session. It will be a great motivator!!!
Assignment:
Using a weekly planner (which can be bought at any office store) or using a word processing program on your computer, make or design a chart of mini steps of action. Make sure you have room to put your assignments, dates and times. Put your chart up on a wall where you practice so you can see your results.
TIP: It is one thing to read these assignments and fantasize about them. It is a totally different experience to actually put them into action. Do yourself a favor, go out there and do them!!
In the next installment, we will cover Your Major Purpose on your instrument and how all of these smaller steps will get you there.
Aug 19
Trombone Accessories Can Kill!
Here is a real bizzare story that Brass players may want to read!
Man Slides His Trombone & Kills Trumpeter in Front of Him!
By Randy Jeffries / Weekly World News
(January 23, 1996)
BOCHOLT, GERMANY - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head. Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College Band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When The Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, “got carried away” with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
“Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard,” said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. “But it wasn’t just the force of the blow that killed Mohr. The slide struck him in the worst possible place — the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. Bone fragments pierced his brain, killing him instantly.”
The incident has provoked a storm of controversy over whether or not American jazz should be played in German colleges. “I believe the music is to blame,” said Gratzfeld band director Heinrich Sommer. “I was pressured to play that selection by school administrators. But I’ve always said jazz is dangerous music. Our musicians can’t control themselves when they play it. They move and rock back and forth, creating chaos. If I had my way, American Dixieland would be outlawed in Germany. I’ve been directing bands for 30 years and I’ve never heard of anyone dying while playing a German march.”
Just another example of trombone accessories gone crazy !
Aug 18
Music Lessons:
Goal Setting for Musicians Part 
I
From the Series:
Playing in the Mental Key
Ellistrations Music Apparel and Gifts
Imagine if you will, that you are on a trip and you are traveling on foot. On this journey, you take along all of the provisions that you need; you packed up a certain amount of food, and water and put shoes on your feet of course, clothe yourself. You carry maps, and a compass and even an inventory of everything that you will need. You have also prepared yourself physically for this by walking every single day and even running. Wow, you are totally ready for this trip and you stick your chest out with pride, as you head out the door and down the street. This is going to be the most awesome excursion that you have ever taken in your entire life……NOT !!!
You forgot one simple element! Even though you took everything that you needed and you prepared yourself for this event, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE GOING!!! Now, I know at this point that you are probably saying,” Well, duh, I knew he was gonna say that.” However, I can guarantee that you are among the 95% of the musicians out there that have not defined any goals or objectives for themselves.
I have known musicians that buy the best instruction books, the finest instruments and have access to the greatest educational services in the world, but have not grown one single bit!!!
If you don’t have a target or an objective, how do you know where you are going? How can you measure your success on your instrument or even tell if you are growing as a musician? I have known musicians (and business people for that matter) that buy the best books, instruments and have access to the best educational services in the world, but have not grown one single bit!
It is a strange dichotomy that we expect these qualities from our politicians and leadership in America, yet the majority of us do not set goals ourselves. Can you imagine what success you would have as a musician if you had an actual plan for yourself? Have you wondered why some people effortlessly master their craft and music while others seem to flounder and loose interest in what they are doing?
Well, wonder no more! The reason you are not motivated to practice or improve your musicianship is because you do not have a target or goal in the first place. By placing a goal in front of yourself and a definite time limit, you are not only greatly increasing your chances of success, but you are creating motivation.
Motivation is basically the desire to do what you need to improve (practice). So, in reality, both goal setting and motivation are essential elements that create the necessary desire to improve.
As you may have noticed in the first paragraph, that without a sense of direction you are really in big trouble. So easily, the first thing you have to decide upon as a musician is which direction that you want to go. Do you want to learn how to perform jazz improvisation? How about developing a better range or tone on your instrument? Would you like to be the first chair flutist in your school or play in a major orchestra?
The very first thing you absolutely must do to begin your journey is DECIDE WHERE YOU ARE GOING!!!
Assignment: This week take some time to sit down, think and ponder what do you really want to get out of music. You may want to take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to think about it. Take out a piece of paper and write out as many goals as you can. Get real serious and aggressive about this. When you have a list, put the letter “A” next to the goal that is most important to you. After you have done that, you can place a “B” next to the next most important goal and so on down the list until you have listed those musical goals that you want to accomplish. For now, we will focus on the letter “A” goal because we want to focus on one thing at a time.
After you are finished with this assignment, pat yourself on the back because you have just done something that 95% of the musicians out in the world have not done….SET A GOAL!!!
Aug 17
Review: Learn Guitar Easily and Teach Yourself Guitar Online !
Gee, when I was a kid in Jr. High and then later in High School, I had to go to music teacher’s house clear on the other side of town to get my music lesson for the week. There was the cost of gas, and of course the cost of the lesson, and the time invested each week for my dad to drive me there. Now you can get a music lesson online at a very affordable price and in particular, if you want to learn guitar easily and teach yourself guitar online, then there is no better way to do it than with Jamorama !
Now, I have taken a good long look at this new system of leaning guitar online and I have reccomended it to many of my band students that have clamored to learn guitar. Jamorama uses guitar tabulature to help you teach yourself guitar online. Most of my students absolutely love the idea of looking up tabulature for different songs and on this level, Jamorama delivers in a big way. They deliver 1000’s of lines of guitar tabulature online as well as downloadale tracks of music for you to play along with.
The main thing I like about this system that helps you learn the guitar easily is the extra software they offer you. There is software that actually teaches you how to read music ! Wow what a concept ! You’ll learn more than 3 chords and you’ll actually learn to read ! All kidding aside, if you really want to learn how to play guitar easily and teach yourself guitar onlne then take a look at Jamorama, you definitely won’t be all strung out. ( Hey, another pun!)
JAMORAMA’S SITE
Aug 14
It’s fun to be an obnoxious brass player. Take the trombone, for example. There are so many ways you can annoy people while sitting in the trombone section, you just wouldn’t believe it. That is whay I have written this ” Trombone Player’s Guide to Being Annoying ” because it edifies and encapsulates the very essence of being a trombone player.
You are sitting right behind a woodwind player and you have your spray bottle for your slide handy. While pretending that you are sneezing, spray the bottle onto the back of the neck of the wimpy woodwinder in front of you. That’ll get their attention! If they are a germaphobe,(which most woodwinder’s are) they will run out of the room screaming in agony. Just make sure that the person you pull this on is not one of the three: 1) Someone bigger than you. 2) Someone that you are dating or may want to date. 3 Someone with John 3:16 on the back of their neck
Aug 13
I learned this valuable trombone accessory while I was in the U.S. Army Band as a trombone player. Use Lemon Pledge on your trombone slide. Lemon pledge has a wax in it that makes your slide move very easily, so if you spray it on your slide it makes it move very freely. Not only that, but Lemon Pledge actually tastes much better than trombone oil, Super Slick or even Rapid Comfort. Also if you are in a real pinch you can wipe some of the residue off your slide and wax your furniture with it. What more could you want from a trombone accessory?
Elmo
www.ellistrations.com
Aug 13
The Weird Blog of the Bagpipe Online
by Ellistrations
This is the
the bagpipe picture of the pipes fashioned by Don Pablo de la Taco
al a Carte. They were fashioned from the skins and bladders of
two goats, a chicken and a yak. They had a characteristic odor that
was unpleasant.
No one in Spanish history is more associated with
Bagpipes than Don Pablo de la Taco al a Carte.
During the Battle of Juan Valdez, the Don,
in a moment of heroic bravery,
killed two goats, a chicken and a yak.
As he watched his men die in horrible blood shed, al a Carte
fled on foot to a nearby village and used the skins of the
animals (including
the bladders) to fashion the first bagpipes on the Iberian Peninsula.
That is the weirdest Blog of the Bagpipe Online!
The Violent History of the Bassoon
n
